Friday, September 22, 2017

A Remembrance of Deacon Anthony Signorelli

SNAPSHOTS
A Remembrance of
Deacon Anthony Signorelli
September 22, 2017 

Snapshots . . . Moments frozen in time . . . Glimpses into the lives of the people captured in them.

This past week, as I’ve gone through the photo album of my mind, I’ve found snapshots, hundreds of them, perhaps thousands, beautiful memories of Tony. Some of them are recent – snapshots that show him as brave, courageous. But these snapshots are too recent. I choose not to focus and dwell on them now. They’re for another time.

Snapshots . . . Here’s one of Tony wearing an apron. I don’t think there was anytime Tony was happier than when he wore an apron preparing a meal, ready to welcome guests into his home. Tony delighted in good food, good company, and good conversation. Whether it was a party with a dozen guests in his dining room with a feast from fruit to nuts, or a few priests, deacons and seminarians sharing a burger on his deck in the summer discussing theology, Tony was in his element and in his glory. He was the epitome of a generous, gracious and gregarious host, who allowed the occasion of breaking bread to be an opportunity to share his home, good food, and most especially, himself. 

Snapshots . . . Here’s one of Tony walking down Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. Here’s another one of him wearing a blue cap with the letters ND embroidered in glistening gold - Notre Dame. Tony was a passionate man who celebrated his roots and never forgot the significant influences on his life. I see snapshots of him and Fr. Jim Smith engaged in fierce debates over which was greater – Brooklyn or the Bronx, the Red Storm of St. John’s University or the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. Tony claimed victory on both. 

Snapshots . . . Here’s one of him teaching at Pope John. When most men would look forward to a life of leisure after retirement, Tony yearned for new challenges, new opportunities to share his wisdom and his faith. At Pope John, Tony not only taught lessons in science but also lessons in Christian living. And, as with all things, Tony embraced life at Pope John with model dedication. That is, except in one area. Tony “claimed” that he would always forget when he was assigned to cafeteria duty. This invariably led to an announcement over the loudspeaker, “Doctor Signorelli, would you PLEASE report to the cafeteria!” Tony told me that once, he actually reported for his assigned duty, BY ACCIDENT. And when he walked into the cafeteria, all of the students rose and gave him a standing ovation.

Snapshots . . . Here are snapshots of Tony surrounded by family: his sister Barbara, his daughter Laurie Anne and her husband Craig, his son Michael and his wife Allison, and his grandchildren Brendan, Annie, Ava and Bobby. And I recognize the expression that’s on his face. It’s the same expression that was on his face whenever he talked about the success and achievements of his children and their spouses, the same expression as when he would tell me about the track meet, the baseball game, the Confirmation, the academic success of his grandchildren – PRIDE!

Snapshots . . . In my collection, I have so many of Tony with Dolores. And in those snapshots I again recognize the same look in his eyes that I saw every time he looked at Dolores – the look of love . . . the look of admiration . . . the look of appreciation. I remember one time years ago when Tony and Dolores were asked to give presentations to our RCIA candidates. And as I saw them interact with one another, I said to myself, “My God! After all these years of marriage – children and grandchildren – they still act like newlyweds!” Tony and Dolores had the kind of marriage that in the 1940’s and 50’s, they used to make movies about. The type of marriage that everyone strives to have, but ultimately say it can’t be; it’s just too good to be true. But it wasn’t. And it isn’t. And it's the kind of love that we need a lot more of today. 

Snapshots . . . Here’s a whole bunch of Tony and me. We were the greatest foils for each other’s jokes. We had nicknames for each other. As a jab at him being somewhat older than me, instead of Signorelli, I called him “Senior-elli”. And instead of Olsen, he called me “Young-son.” Dolores once said, “You two are just so silly!” Yeah we were . . . and we loved it. I don’t know if you ever noticed, but Tony was somewhat shorter than me. There were times when we would be exchanging barbs with one another, and he’d say, “You know, you’re not too big for me to take care of you.” I’d say, “And just how are you going to do that?” And he’d look up at me, pointing his finger, “By physical force if necessary! Come on Big Guy! Let’s go!” 

When Tony arrived for mass on Sundays, he would go up to the sanctuary, make sure the ribbon was in the right spot in the Book of the Gospels, make sure the credence table was set as it should be, and check how many ciboria were in the tabernacle. After he had set everything the way he wanted it to be and returned to the sacristy, I would go and raise the microphone stand as high as it would go, so the microphone would be about four feet taller than Tony. When mass began, I would stand in the back of the church, and after he reverenced the altar, I’d see Tony’s shoulders moving up and down with laughter when he saw what I had done. When he turned around and saw me, he would squint his eyes and shake his finger at me as if to say, “I’m gonna get you!” And he did. The following Sunday, I processed into the sanctuary, to find that Tony had lowered the microphone stand so it was no higher than my knees. 

Tony was my mentor, my friend, and my brother. He was there to guide me throughout my diaconate studies, and has offered me his sage wisdom and encouragement throughout the sixteen years of my ministry. He was the friend who constantly put in a good word for me at Pope John whenever there was an opening in the Theology Department. And he was the brother who was there for me when both my parents died. 

Snapshots . . . Here are ones that all of you are most familiar. They’re of Tony as deacon. Deacon Tony at the altar. Deacon Tony baptizing. Deacon Tony conducting a wake service. Deacon Tony leading Adult Education. Deacon Tony involved in Work-Life Ministry. And most memorable, Deacon Tony standing here, at this ambo, PROCLAIMING the Word of God and PREACHING the Word of God - both of which he was able to do so authentically because he LIVED the Word of God. Of all the homilies Deacon Tony preached, there’s one that I most remember. It was the one where he focused on one simple, three letter, one syllable word: YES. The YES of Mary. The simple, three letter, one syllable word that transformed the world, because it made salvation possible for us. I think that Deacon Tony was able to speak so eloquently about that simple, one syllable, three letter word, because YES was his mantra, his creed, his philosophy of life. YES! YES to God! YES to the teaching of the Church! Yes to the values of Christian life! YES to love and fidelity in marriage! YES to the responsibilities of family life. YES to job-related obligations. YES to every man, woman or child that sought his advice or ever needed his assistance. YES!

The word “deacon” comes from the Greek word diakonos, which means servant. The patron saint of the diaconate is St. Stephen, one of the original seven deacons. But for me, the patron saint of what it means to be a deacon is Deacon Anthony Signorelli, for he epitomized what it meant to be a servant to his family, to his students, to his parish, to his Church, and to his God. 

On Tuesday when I first got word of Deacon Tony’s passing, immediately one line of Scripture came to mind. It’s from the Gospel of Matthew: “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I truly believe that those were the first words that Deacon Tony heard from the mouth of our Lord when he stood before him. “Well done, my good and faithful servant!” 

Snapshots . . . I’ve got hundreds, thousands of them of Tony. Some are vivid. Some are blurry and I wish I had paid more attention when they became part of the photo album of my memories. But there’s one problem with snapshots. Even assembling all of them together, they don’t do justice to one who lived his life with such grace, nobility, purpose, and virtue. But how much better our lives are that one such as he blessed us by his presence in them. Thank you, Tony. 

And Tony, I know you’re angry with me right now. You always told me that the ideal homily should be seven minutes. And tonight, I certainly exceeded that. But it’s your fault, you know . . . Why did you have to be so darn good? God bless you.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

The Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time (Year A)

TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE
Sirach 27: 30 – 28: 7; Romans 14: 7-9; Matthew 18: 21-35
A condemned man hangs on a cross just outside of Jerusalem on a hill called Golgotha. Although for three years he has proclaimed Godly love, here he is now met with demonic hatred. Soon this preacher from Nazareth will lift his eyes to heaven and commend his spirit to his Father. But before he does, he looks down. He looks down directly into the eyes of those who five days earlier waved palm branches and shouted out to him, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” but who this day wave their clenched fists at him, curse him, and shout, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” He looks down into the eyes of those who just moments before stripped him and used the very instruments that he had used as a carpenter, hammer and nails, and pounded those nails into his hands and his feet. Into their eyes he looks. And as he does, he says, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” 

To err is human. To forgive is divine.

Maria was close to her 12th birthday when she was stabbed to death by 19 year old Alessandro Serenelli, a farmworker who shared a dwelling with her family. Alessandro had attacked the young girl when she resisted his efforts to sexually assault her. Alessandro was sentenced to 30 years in prison. Although he was aware that Maria had forgiven him on her deathbed (even saying she wanted to be in heaven with him) he didn’t feel remorse. One night during the third year of his confinement, Maria appeared to Alessandro in his cell. She was smiling and holding 14 lilies to symbolize the 14 wounds she suffered—which she lovingly offered to the man who had taken her life. From that moment on, he lived a life of goodness and grace. Four years after his release from prison, he went to visit Assunta, Maria’s mother. Begging Assunta's forgiveness, she placed her hands on his head, caressed his face and gently said, "Alessandro, Marietta forgave you, Christ has forgiven you, and why should I not also forgive. I forgive you, of course, my son! Why have I not seen you sooner?" The next morning Assunta took Alessandro by the hand and led him to Mass. From that day on he was welcomed into the family as "Uncle Alessandro." Assunta and Alessandro were also side by side when St. Maria Goretti was canonized. 

To err is human. To forgive is divine. 

This past April (2017), Robert Godwin Sr. was walking home from an Easter meal when a man walked up to him and shot him in the head. To add to the horror, the killer recorded the shooting and uploaded it to Facebook. Thousands of people saw the slaying before it was removed over an hour later. The family’s grief, particularly that of Godwin’s children, was painfully evident on the next day’s morning news. But so was their love. In a baffling demonstration of grace, three of his children publicly forgave their father’s killer. His daughter Tonya said, “Each one of us forgives the killer, the murderer. … We want to wrap our arms around him.” Godwin’s son said, “I forgive him because we are all sinners.”

To err is human. To forgive is divine.

I know what you’re thinking: “I could NEVER forgive like that! I just couldn’t. But in today’s Gospel, Jesus tells us that we CAN . . . and more than that . . . . we MUST. 

In our Gospel, Jesus offers a parable about a servant who is ultimately condemned by his master, not because of the servant’s debt to him, but because the servant refused to forgive the debt of his fellow servant. So do you think Jesus is serious about this forgiveness thing? I think so. It’s the only time in all four Gospels that he put a PS on one of his parables: “So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart."

To understand what Jesus is talking about in today’s Gospel, maybe we need to understand what he isn’t saying: He’s not saying that forgiving is condoning. By trying to understand those who have wronged us, or even forgiving them, we aren’t saying that their actions are acceptable. He’s not saying that forgiving is pardoning. When we forgive, we aren’t exonerating anyone from responsibility. He’s not saying that forgiving is a form of martyrdom. When we forgive, we don’t suppress our emotions and we aren’t doing it for the person who wronged us . . . We’re forgiving for ourselves.

So what is he saying? He’s telling us that forgiveness means freedom. Forgiveness frees us. It opens us up. It allows us to stop playing games. We no longer have to pretend that it didn't hurt, because it did; we don't have to pretend that everything's fine, because it’s not. When we forgive, we say to the person who has hurt us, “I will not allow you to do that again!” But more importantly, when we forgive, we say to ourselves, “I’m moving on with my life; I refuse to be held back by her mistakes or his problems!” That's forgiving. It's not saying that everything’s alright (that would be a lie) it’s saying, “I’m moving on now... there’s no grudge, no revenge - it's over; I’m through; the past is past and I’m free!”

Guess who gets blessed when you forgive. YOU do. The importance of forgiveness is not so much that it absolves the person forgiven as that it cleanses the person who forgives. Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Forgiveness just might be the most gloriously selfish thing that we do. 

Maybe this story can better explain what I’m talking about: This is probably going to seem silly to you, but I did something on August 15th that I never thought I'd do because I thought it would be too painful. But I decided I needed to do it. I drove to Bergen Catholic where I used to teach. I only work ten minutes from the school but have avoided it like the plague. You see, my exit from there six years ago wasn’t pleasant and has left its scars. And even though I’ve prayed to be able to forgive those that I felt wronged me, the hurt was still there, as were my fantasies of revenge. I always felt that if I even saw the building again, all the hurt would come flooding back. But on that day last month, I decided I needed to do this. So I drove to the school and into the semicircle in the front of the building. And you know what? I felt nothing! No hurt. No nostalgia. No bad memories. No happy memories. No anger. No regrets. NOTHING! I even said a prayer as I did it. The demons that held me in their grasp for six years were finally released. I felt lighter. Like a weight had been lifted from me. And I felt that I was finally able to move on. 

So maybe that’s what forgiveness really is. It’s letting go so we can move on. Too many of us are controlled by events that occurred yesterday. We drive through life looking in the rearview mirror rather than keeping our eyes on the road ahead. The decision to forgive is a decision to live in the present moment. 

So this week, let’s take our hurts and our grudges to a trash heap. The heap is just outside of town at a place called Golgotha. Here one sinless man hangs falsely accused between two criminals. He is abused but will not retaliate; condemned but will not judge. He is beaten, but will only show mercy. At the cross, his mercy becomes his justice, and that all becomes grace. Let’s take that grace home with us and lay in bed at night with it when we are tempted to tally up the score of hurts from the day. Because to err is human. And to forgive is . . . well, you fill in the blank.