Touched By an Angel
A Reflection on the
Feast of the Guardian Angels
What's your earliest memory and how old were you when the event you remember occurred? Is the memory happy or sad? Who is part of that memory? And why do you think that memory has stayed with you all these years?
My family was always amazed at my ability to recall things long forgotten by them. In conversations, I would mention something, and in a tone of awe, they would ask, "How do you remember that???"
Most of my earliest memories are happy ones which, I guess, attests to the happy childhood I enjoyed. And yes, there are the remembrances of things from later on in life that share space with the joys that I've experienced that aren't as blissful and still haunt me - of hurts and disappointments, the emotional scars that linger of things that happened, words that were spoken, of my overly sensitive heart being wounded, of my fragile self-image taking a hit, memories of regrets - opportunities not taken and choices made that have made me wish I could turn back the clock, re-live and fix.
I don't know if the following is my first memory, but it is among the earliest. It goes back to when I was around four years old, and if you're not already convinced that I'm crazy, this might do the trick.
In my early childhood, I can recall frequently being in the presence of one who was pure light, and whereas I say this memory is of when I was four years of age, in reality, this being of light had always been present with me. I can't really describe what it looked like, the facial features or form, but only that it was pure light. It would talk to me, play with me, encourage me, correct me. And being in its presence always brought me incredible joy and an overwhelming sense of being loved.
But then, a day came when it knelt beside me, held me close, and told me that I would no longer be able to see him, but to always remember that he loved me and wanted me to always be a good boy. And then ... he vanished, disappeared, was gone, and I never saw him again. I remember looking for him, searching rooms and closets and hiding places, but he wasn't there. As hard and as often as I tried, I couldn't find him. And the little boy that I was felt something he never felt before - profound loss.
Over the many years of my life, I've gone back to that memory and have tried to make sense of it. My practical self has tried to convince me that all children have imaginary friends, and that's all that this memory really recalls - a playmate of my own creation. But an imaginary friend is always someone like the child himself, and is often the scapegoat, the one the child blames for his own naughtiness. But this being, was not like me, not of a child's form, shape, or appearance. And rather than being the one that got me into trouble, he was the one who gently corrected me when I did.
For a time, I considered that what I experienced was a ghost, one that had either attached itself to my house or to me. But if this were so, whose ghost was it? Don't ghosts haunt? Aren’t they supposed to be frightening? And why was it seen only by me and not by the rest of my family?
Why did the truth of my experience evade me for so long? Why did it take so long for faith and experience to align? I don't recall what caused the grace-filled revelation, but sometime in my twenties, I came to the realization that what I had experienced was no made-up playmate and was no ghost. What I had experienced was my Guardian Angel. I am still convinced of it ... for me, there is no other explanation. And that is why this memory has remained so vivid and so cherished even after over sixty years. And that is why, to this day, this memory fills me with peace and joy.
Fantasy? Delusion? Wishful thinking? Nope. Why shouldn't it be so? Belief in angels is now, and has been since the beginning of the Church, one of our beliefs. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, "Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life" (#203). The scriptures have numerous accounts of angels. In Psalm 91: 11-12 we hear "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone." Again, in Exodus 23:20 we read "See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." In the New Testament, the affirmation of the existence of angels continues in Matthew 18:10 "Beware that you don't look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my Heavenly Father." In Hebrews 1:14 we hear "Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?" Hebrews 13:2 adds "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have, shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." The Bible is rich in its accounts of angels visiting the likes Abraham, Hagar, Lot, Gideon, Samson's parents, Zechariah, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds in Bethlehem, Peter, Paul, Philip, and Cornelius. And even in the desert at the beginning of his ministry, and in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before he died, an angel appeared to Jesus himself.
I know that I need my Guardian angel now, more than ever, because there is an invisible world of principalities and powers, demonic realities, that are after our souls. And God, in His goodness, has given each one of us a companion who will guard and protect us from the seemingly increasing and cunning assaults of satan. I need my Guardian Angel to watch over me when I sleep; to console me when I’m sad; to lift me up when I fall; to avert the dangers that threaten me; to prepare me for the future; to withdraw me from evil and excite me to good.
Have I experienced my Guardian Angel again since my early childhood? Not in the way and the consistency that I did then. But angels can take on human form, and I do believe that at times when I really needed him, my angel appeared to me as a stranger out of the blue, to lift my spirits, to encourage me, to affirm me. And it's always only after the fact that I realize that, once again, heaven has touched earth, and that God loves me so much that, in my need, He has sent my angel to reveal himself to me. But those stories are for another time.
And what about you? If you dust off memory's cobwebs, is there something mysterious, unnatural, out of the ordinary, that you've never dared to believe is anything more than a dream, a fantasy, something too good to be true? Give it some more thought. Pray about it. Just maybe, you too, have been touched by an angel.
O Angel of God, my guardian dear,
to whom God's love commits me here.
Ever this day be at my side,
to light, to guard, to rule, and guide.
Amen.
